Go Beyond Anger Management
To Anger Resolution

    One of the most common prayer requests that I receive from women is to pray for their husband or boyfriend who is destroying their family or relationship through anger.  The anger is exhibited through violent or abusive behavior toward them or their children.  Women are not exempt from having problems with anger either. Usually, the children get the blunt end of their anger.  Anger is often exhibited in a passive-aggressive type of behavior.  Individuals may hold their anger inside until it becomes so great that they can't control it any longer.  Then they explode.  Sometimes the anger is turned inward and the result is suicidal thoughts.

    Educators also tell us that one of the major problems in public schools today is that of children and youth exhibiting anger and violence. We are seeing more and more school shootings coming out of anger.  Parents often exclaim, "My child is out of control and I don't know what to do with him."  So where does all this anger come from?

Symptoms of Anger

raised voice negative thoughts reddening of the face
revengeful attitude rapid pulse aggressive behavior
standing to speak clinched fist rapid speech
restlessness glaring stare exaggeration of irritations
tightness of the jaw unwillingness to listen nervous twitching or shaking
argumentative sharp words or cursing forgetfulness
closed communication violent actions backbiting

Some Lies About Anger

1. A Christian does not get angry.

2. Anger must always be vented or expressed.

3. It is O.K. to be angry if you just hold it inside you.

4. One has the right to be angry because someone has offended him.

5. One needs to control others by using anger.

6. I am not angry, just a bit irritated. (denial).

7. One can manage anger through knowledge and will power. (self deception).

Some Sources Of Anger

1. Unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness is probably the one major source for anger.  Unforgiveness is holding someone accountable for a past offense.  Jesus said that we are to forgive others, if not, the Father will not forgive others.  Furthermore, if we don't forgive others we open the door for evil spirits to enter and take control of our lives.  Anger can be the major controlling spirit.  Note:    "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled" (Hebrews 12:15).
2. Evil Spirits.
The Scripture says, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27).  Therefore, we are permitted to be angry one day, but not two.  When we are angry longer than one day we open the door to our soul (mind, will and emotions) for an evil spirit to come into soul.  This evil spirit will encourage and promote anger within the individual.  This spirit will seek to blind the individual from the truth.  It will seek to deceive the individual by exaggerating the irritation and justifying the anger.  This spirit will seek to control the individual and manifest expressions of anger.  The spirit may also enter through unforgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35), through any kind of occult involvement, or through sexual relations with another person who has such evil spirits.
3. Stress Accumulation.
We have the expression, "It was the straw that broke the back of the camel."  In reality, the straw did not break the camel's back, but the straw was added to all the other weight.  Conflict issues which are not properly handled are simply accumulated.  The mother who was abused as a child may explode in anger with her own children when they disobey.  The anger the mother felt because of her own abuse is a heavy burden.  Then when her own children become an irritation to her, the straw breaks the camel's back and the mother explodes in anger toward her own children.  The mother's anger toward her abuser is transferred to her own children.

The employee may endure a few critical words from his boss.  However, after a year of criticism by the boss, the employee may explode in anger.

There may also be a series of losses or stress producing situations which produce a mental and emotional overload.  The result may be anger.

4. Modeling.
Modeling is a major factor in the development of anger behavior.  Children who observe their parents exhibiting anger may grow up acting out their anger that same anger.  The anger that is glorified in the drama on T.V., movies, and videos is often translated into a set to react in the minds of many children and adults.  There is a truth in the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do."   "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go" (Proverbs 22:24).

Furthermore animated video games of unrestricted anger, aggression, and violence implant a stage for unrestricted anger and violence to be acted out without conscious thought of what is right or the consequences of such behavior.  The newest villain is the medieval and occultic war games that one my access through the internet.

5. Generational Curse Of Anger.
"Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me" (Exodus 20:5).  An iniquity is an inherited "bent" toward sin that is passed from one generation to the next.  As there are inherited physical traits, there are also inherited negative personality traits.  The "chip" off the old block may be a valid adage.  Junior may wrestle with anger because his Dad or Mom wrestled with anger.  Furthermore, Dad and Mom may have wrestled with anger because their parents and grandparents wrestled with anger.
6. Possessiveness.
Possessiveness coupled with loss or fear of loss is another major cause for anger.  Possessiveness is holding on to what one believes to be his personal right or expectation.  Therefore, when someone believe that he should have a certain job, position, or recognition, but loses or fails to receive it, the result may be anger.  if a child believes he should have a toy, but a sibling gets it instead, the result is anger.  The wife that feels that she should have the right to be appreciated by her husband, but does not receive it may get angry.  The teenager who feels he should be free to go with wherever he wants, but is grounded by his parents, may become angry.  The man who fails to live up to his self imposed expectations may get angry at himself.  When anger is turned inward, it may also led to thoughts of suicide.  One may even become angry at God when God does not live up to his expectations.

Envy is closely associated with anger because it is desire to have what someone else has.  Jealousy in contrast deals with a loss of  favor and often results in rage.

"So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple"  (Luke 14:33).

7. Control-reaction.
Control-reaction is my own term for a description of a source of anger.  Quite often small children learn that they can control the situation through anger if their parents don't stop them.  The picture is that Johnny has a temper tantrum to get what he wants.  As a youth, he may become the "bully" displaying anger to control the situation.  In marriage, he may use anger to control his wife and children.  Anger become a means of manipulation.  Anger become a necessary friend.
8. Misunderstanding about God
At times we don't see the big picture.  We may take one look at the situation and declare that God is unfair.  This view often produces anger. Job cursed the day that he was born because of this view (Job 3:1-3).    David became very distressed when he saw the wicked prosper.  He said, "When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me" (Psalm 73:16).  Jonah became very angry because he thought that God was unfair.  "But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry" (Jonah 4:1).

Anger Resolution

(Please note that each are given only in a brief form)

1. Forgiveness.

Jesus said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matthew 6:14).  Forgiveness means that we give the offender a gift which he does not deserve. Look at the word "For-give-ness".  Give is in the middle.  We are to no longer hold the offender responsible for his offense.  Jesus is our example.   "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots" (Luke 23:34).  Paul also wrote, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" (Colossians 3:13).
2. Deliverance.
First, we are to forgive.  Second, we are to put the offender in God's hands and ask Him to forgive.  Third, we are to ask God to forgive us for yielding any ground to the enemy through unforgiveness or bitterness.  Fourth, we are to ask God to take back the ground that we have yielded to the enemy any other sin or sin habit.  Finally, we are to take authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus and bind him and command him to leave our mind, will, emotions, body, and the area. "And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues" (Mark 16:17). We are to use the Word to drive the enemy out and to shut the door. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).
3. Unload your cares.
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:  Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world" (I Peter 5:7-9).   We were not meant to handle all the cares of life.  We are to live by the grace of God working in us. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).  There also may be a need to receive healing for past emotional wounds.  Jesus came to heal us of our emotional wounds and set us free from the blow to our identity (Luke 4:18).
4. New Model.
We need to change what we focus our attention on.  "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:2).   "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:8).  We may also need to see ourselves as who we are in Christ.  "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (II Corinthians 5:17).
5. Break the Generational Curses.
Here we need to understand that Jesus became the curse for us that we might be set free from the curse. "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:  That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith"  (Galatians 3:13-14).  In brief, we must come to see that we have been both crucified that the body of sin might be destroyed and resurrected that we might live a new life in him.   "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Roman 6:11).
6. Yield your personal rights to God.
First, Jesus gave up his rights.   "But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:7).  Even in the garden as he faced death he said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42).  Second, Jesus also instructed us to give up our personal rights. "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me" (Luke 9:23).

Moses had to throw down his rod before God as a symbol of throwing down everything in his life.  "And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it" (Exodus 4:2-3).

7.  Use peace.
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9).   Solomon said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).    Paul wrote, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18).  The author to the Hebrews said, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord" (Hebrews 12:14).
8. See from God perspective.
When Job came to see from God's perspective, he came to see that God was righteous and fair.  He declared, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee" (Job 42:5).  When David went to the temple and saw things from God's view he changed is attitude toward the wicked (Psalms 73:17-28).  Jonah needed to see that it is God's nature to be merciful and loving God to anyone who would repent and receive His mercy and kindness, even Jonah's enemy.

Ways To Respond To An Angry Person

 1. Speak softly and slowly.

 2. Ask sincere questions. ("Why do you feel that way?  Can you help me to understand what you are saying?")

 3. Listen closely to individual to hear what they are really saying beyond the words they are speaking.

 4. Have a servant attitude.  ("What can I do to help solve the problem?")

 5. Have a forgiving attitude.  (Purpose before God in prayer to forgive by His grace.)

 6. Rebuke Satan.  ("In the name of Jesus, I bind the spirit of anger {and etc.} and command anger to leave.")

 7. Compliment the angry person.  ("You are the best husband in the whole world.")

 8. Confess in personal offense (wrongs done toward the other person) and ask for their forgiveness.

 9. Speak the truth in love.  ("I do care about how you feel and I believe you are angry because ....")

 10. Make gentle physical contact with the angry person.  (Example: place your hand upon their hand or upon their shoulder.)

 11. Yield any personal rights and expectations that the person has violated unto the Lord.  (Example:  "Lord Jesus, I yield to you the right for others to appreciate me.")

 12. Pray and ask the Lord to open the door of opportunity for you to do something good for the individual that he or she might appreciate.

 13. Pray for the person that is angry.  ("Lord, I ask that you heal and set that person free from anger.")

 14. Receive healing for hurts.  (Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted.)

 15. Ask God to fill you with His grace of LOVE that you may show God's love to the individual.

Some Scriptures on Anger

Genesis 4:5-7  "But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?  If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him."

Job 5:2  "For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one."

Psalms 18:48  "He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man."

Psalms 37:8 "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."

Proverbs 14:17  "He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated."

Proverbs 16:32  "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."

Proverbs 19:11  "The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression."

Proverbs 21:19  "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."

Proverbs 22:24  "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go."

Proverbs 25:28  "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."

Proverbs 27:4  "Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?"

Proverbs 29:22-23  "An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.   A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9  Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools."

Jonah 4:9 "And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death."

Matthew 5:22  "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."

Ephesians 4:26-27  "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil."

Ephesians 4:31-32  "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Colossians 3:8 "But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth."

Titus 1:7  "For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre."

James 1:19-20  "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."

Also see: Overcoming Anger.
Anger Issues