For the purpose of illustration I have chosen three types of motives: The Servant, Ms. Calculation, and Mr. Entitlement.  I should note that sex has nothing to do with the types.
 

Ms. Calculation:
    What can we do for each other?

Mr. Entitlement:
    What can you do for me?

The Servant:
      The servant is a giver.  "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again" (Luke 6:38). Note again, "Give and it shall be given."

Ms. Calculation:
    Let's make a deal.  Ms. Calculation is always looking for a deal, even with God.

Mr. Entitlement:
    God owes me.  Mr. Entitlement is often angry because he did not receive from God what he expected.

The Servant:
    Looks at how he can prosper others.  After learning this principle when I worked in secular business, I looked to see how I could prosper my boss.  The result was that I received seven increases in salary in about 2 years.

Ms. Calculation:
    Looks for mutual benefit.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Looks at how he can prosper himself.

The Servant:
    He has a freedom from fear.  He can't lose what he gives away.

Ms. Calculation:
    She lives in shadow of fear. She can lose if other fails or she fails.

Mr. Entitlement:
    He lives the face of fear. He will lose if he fails or does not get what he wants.

The Servant:
    The Servant is illustrated by God. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).  God gives.

Ms. Calculation:
    Ms. Calculation gives only to a limited degree.

Mr. Entitlement:
    He is illustrated by the devil.  "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy" (John 10:10a).  The enemy takes.

The Servant:
    In marriage, The Servant becomes a servant to bless his or her spouse.

Ms. Calculation:
    In marriage it is a 50/50 proposition.  There may be even a prenuptial agreement.

Mr. Entitlement:
    In marriage, it is his way or no way.

The Servant:
    Relationships are based upon true love.  Love is self giving.

Ms. Calculation:
    Relationships are based upon balance of agreement.  Love is conditional.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Relationships are based upon lust / greed.   Love is nothing more than lust.

The Servant:
    Goes beyond what is expected of him or her.  "And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith.    And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.    But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat?    And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink?    Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not.    So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do"  (Luke 17:5-10).  This approach is dependent upon a faith in God.  When we have done all that is expected of us, we should say, "We have done nothing."

Ms. Calculation:
    Does just enough to get by.  She does her work, punches the time clock, and goes home.  She lives by logical expectation.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Does as little as possible, even less than expected of him, and hopes he doesn't get caught.  Then he complains about how little he makes. He lives by the tangible sight of what he holds in his hand.

The Servant:
    Is generous.  "The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself" (Proverbs 11:25).

Ms. Calculation:
    Attempts to balance the scales.  If you scratch my back, I will scratch yours.

Mr. Entitlement:
    He withholds all he can.  "There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty" (Proverbs 11:24).

The Servant:
    I owe the world.  "I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise" (Romans 1:14).   "For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more" (I Corinthians 9:19).   "To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some" (I Corinthians 9:22).  When I ministered some in a federal detention center, I told the men I didn't care what color skin they had, where they were from, or what they had done.  I was they because I believed they deserved a right to hear the truth of God's Word.  God set before me a open door.

Ms. Calculation:
    Let's make things even.

Mr. Entitlement:
    The world owe me.

The Servant:
    Is forgiving.  He gives others who has offended him the undeserved gift of for-give-ness.

Ms. Calculation:
    Will forgive only if the offender apologizes or lives up to a certain standard.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Is unforgiving and figures that the offender owes him: therefore, he will seek revenge.

The Servant:
    Is available for service.  Isaiah was available for service. "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me" (Isaiah 6:8).  Samuel was available to be a servant.  "And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth" (I Samuel 3:10).

Ms. Calculation:
    Is too busy trying to keep the scales in balance.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Is unavailable because he is always busy trying to serve himself.

The Servant:
    An example is Jesus.  "For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

Ms. Calculation:
    An example was at the tower of Babel.  "And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth" (Genesis 11:4).  Note the use of the pronouns "us" and "we."

Mr. Entitlement:
    An example is found with king Nebuchadnezzar.  "The king spake, and said, Is not this great Babylon, that I have built for the house of the kingdom by the might of my power, and for the honour of my majesty?" (Daniel 4:30).

The Servant:
    The Servant is normally energetic and joyful.

Ms. Calculation:
    Ms. Calculation becomes exhausted from trying to keep everything in order and  is contented  only if everything is in balance.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Mr. Entitlement is usually frustrated and discontented because everything is not going his way.

The Servant:
    The Servant tends to depend upon God.  "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me" (Luke 9:23).  One has to let go of himself to serve.

Ms. Calculation:
    Ms. Calculation tends to depend upon self and others.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Mr. Entitlement tends to be self-sufficient, just depending upon his own ability.

The Servant:
    The Servant tends to see himself as the victor.

Ms. Calculation:
    Ms. Calculation tends to see herself as the competitor.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Mr. Entitlement tends to see himself as the victim.

The Servant:
    Focuses upon the needs of "others".

Ms. Calculation:
    Focuses upon "our" needs.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Focuses upon the needs of "himself".  It is my needs, my wants, and my desires.

The Servant:
    Is industrious.  He uses whatever resources that are available to benefit others.

Ms. Calculation:
    Is always planning or calculating how to make people work together.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Is scheming how to get more.

The Servant:
    Tends to be trustworthy and responsible.  Why?  He is not working for himself but for the benefit of others.

Ms. Calculation:
    Tends to be trustworthy and responsible only to a limited extent.  To the extent of the success of the partnership with others.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Generally proves to be untrustworthy and irresponsible.  Everything hinges upon whether or not he fails or succeeds.

The Servant:
    The Servant is the "helper"  of others much like the Holy Spirit who is called along side of to help us.

Ms. Calculation:
    Ms. Calculation is a "users" of people.

Mr. Entitlement:
    Mr. Entitlement is the "abuser" of others.

The Servant:
    Is promised success by God. "But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister:  And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all" (Mark 10:43-44). Note the phrase "servant of all."  He is not selective.  "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up" (James 4:10).

Ms. Calculation:
    Finds success only to be a struggle.   "For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south.  But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another" (Psalm 75:6-7).

Mr. Entitlement:
    Finds success only to be temporal.  "He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree" (Luke 1:52). Remember Nebuchadnezzar.  "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal" (Matthew 6:19). 

    Where did you find yourself?   How does one change from being like Mr. Entitlement or Ms. Calculation to being like The Servant?

1. We must recognize where we have failed.
2. We must confess our sin to God.
3. We must be willing to repent (do an about face).
4. We must recognize that we can not change ourselves. (Oops!).
5. We must depend upon God to do the change in us.

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me"  (Galatians 2:20).  Until we are willing to yield this area of our lives to God for HIM to change us, we will never change.  However, it is more than just asking God to change us.  It is believing that the change is accomplished already through the death and the resurrection of Christ.

"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord"  (Romans 6:11).  The term "reckon" is a mathematical term meaning the final answer.  When all is subtracted and added, it is the bottom line.  The bottom line is that the old man (be it Ms. Calculation or Mr. Entitlement) has been crucified with Christ and is dead.  We are to by faith to consider this to be so.  Furthermore, we are to consider the new righteous man (The Servant) resurrected with Christ and alive.  Paul did this.  "Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God" (Romans 1:1).    The term her is "bond servant".  This meant that Paul was set free from the slavery of sin, but chose to be a slave to Jesus for life.  We must see that we are to be a BOND SLAVE to Jesus.

"When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:    And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:    And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.    Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:    For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:    Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.    Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?    When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?    Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?  And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:31-40).

Therefore, as we serve others, we are serving none other than Jesus, himself.  What greater motive could we have?