End of the road ... California
The End
Of The Road
Dear . . . . ,

    I do not know your name, but Basil as asked me to share with you my experience this week. I came here, determined that if God did not show me the answers, I would renounce my faith and move on, having come to believe that the Christian faith was burdensome and of no value.

    For about 4 years, I had suffered severely from depression, finding it extremely difficult to find peace with my father who had severely abused me (in every manner that comes to my mind) and my mothers side of the family who abused me sychologically and spiritually. I saw many secular and Christian counselors but all of them would inevitably suggest anti-depressants or mood balancers and all had fancy complicated names for my condition that I knew simply weren't the answer. When I turned to my church and church friends, I was met with judgment and accusations that I was simply faking my pain by some, while others simply did not know what advice to offer. I felt betrayed by the church and my Christian friends, due to their inability to understand what I had been going through. In my pain, I turned to the study of other religions in the hopes that I would find answers and peace in them. Bhuddism was the one I studied most, and for 2 years I deeply studied, never renouncing my faith or officially adopting bhuddism, but learning it as thoroughly as I could. I learned it so well, that I began to be able to see the meaning of Bhudda's teaching better than most of the Bhuddist sects were able to explain it. Even so, it provided me no peace, and no lasting answers.

     In all this time I had begun to use Marijuana daily, and for at least 2 years, I smoked it daily. In the last several months, I began to drink heavily as well, and the weeks before I came here, I was drinking as much as 12 beers a night by myself. All in an attempt to numb myself to the ever increasing pain and depression. Thoughts of suicide as an answer would come in an out of my mind, and while I never came to a place where I was ready to end it, it still scared me to find myself even considering it seriously.

    I came in Monday morning, and counseling began much like it did with the other counselors. However, within an hour, I began to see many misconceptions I had adopted as truth. I won't bore you with the details of everything that occurred, but here I am on Friday, and I am not depressed anymore. I have a hope that I have not had in years, and I am confident, through the Grace of God, that I will not be returning to drug and alcohol abuse, simply because there is no reason to numb myself. Further, I can think on the things my father has done (horrible things, truly) and I have a peace regarding them. My family as well. There is still some pain, mind you, but it is like the numb pain one might feel after a surgery, rather than the overwhelming pain that required me to drink a 12 pack and smoke pot in order to keep from weeping all night.

    More important than getting free from the pain and drug abuse, I have come to see all the misconceptions I have had about the faith which had forced me to live in spiritual bondage for so long. I had given my life to Christ for real, years ago, but I simply was not trained or counseled in how to live a Christian life. There are many questions that churches do not answer, there are many issues that many churches do not even address, and unfortunately, we ourselves may not know what question we need answered. I did not know, but I know now, not because I've been told the questions, but because I've been told the answers. I hope and pray for your well being, and I would encourage you to come here for a week of counseling. Take care.      - Ron      (from California)

See: Article "Are you at the end of your rope?"
Links:   Counseling Appointments