My
Healing Experience
My family and I had been
living in
Fort Worth, Texas for about ten years, when God provided a new home for
my family through my parents in San Angelo, Texas. Therefore, after
much prayer, my family and I and moved to San Angelo in latter
part 1979. My wife got a job as a RN working at the Shannon Hospital. I
got a job working at J C Penney's at the Mall in the men's clothing
department. l had learned to sell men's clothing while I had been in
seminary in Ft Worth, Texas. I had also sold men's clothing at several
stores since then. However, I was not interested in climbing the
corporate ladder. My heart's cry to God was that I wanted to be
involved in ministry. I had previously been in ministry and yearned to
get back into ministry. I had tried to get back into the pastoral
ministry, but the door had been shut for some time.
While I working at Penney's, there were a number of
people that came through the store in their management training
program. They would work in various departments in preparation of the
possibly of becoming a store manager. There was a man, somewhat younger
than I, who became the department manager of the men's department where
I worked. I do not know what his personal issues were, but for some
reason, he chose me to be a target for his criticism. I knew the things
that I was supposed to do. I knew that was to do a good job for him as
though I was serving Jesus. I knew that I was to show him God's love. I
also knew that I was to have a forgiving attitude toward him when he
was overly critical of me. Those were not big issues for me at the
time. However, getting chewed out by him, what seemed like almost every
day, became a major issue. I couldn't just quit the job because we
needed the money to pay our bills.
I regularly attended a home Bible study that a
friend had. The Bible study usually lasted about an hour followed by
ministry and prayer. However, on this occasion, in the week before
Christmas, it was different. The teacher read, "The
Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach
the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to
preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the
blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the
acceptable year of the Lord" (Luke 4:18-19). The teacher briefly
explained that was Jesus, as a rabbi who read aloud in the
synagogue at Nazareth. He read a passage from what we know as the Old
Testament. It was from the book of Isaiah, the prophet. After the
reading, Jesus sat down and everyone looked at him waiting for him
to comment on the passage. He then said, "This
day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears." In brief, Jesus
was saying that he was the fulfillment of that prophecy. The home Bible
teacher immediately lead in prayer and we were invited to
participate in a Christmas party.
Everything that night, for me, was out of kilter. I
wondered why the teacher chose that passage that he chose instead of
something about the birth of Christ with it being right before
Christmas. I also was expecting an hour Bible study instead of the
brief reading and a very brief explanation. Of course, I also was not
expecting a Christmas party. I went home and my wife, who is a R.N.,
went off to work at the hospital. I crawled into bed and the thought
hit me, "I have to go back to work tomorrow and face this critical
boss." I prayerfully began this battle in my mind, "God, I don't know
what to do. I can't keep going back to work and get chewed out my
boss." (My chest, began to tighten and I could feel the stress around
my heart.) "God, I just can't quite the job. I don't have another job
to go to. I have to do my part to pay the bills. God, I have done
everything that I know to do. I have tried to serve my boss as though I
was serving Jesus. I have tried to have a forgiving attitude toward him
and have tried to show him the love of God." I may have wrestled with
this for an hour and finally, in desperation, I cried out, "God, HELP!"
Then God brought that passage that the Bible teacher read in the
Bible study to my mind, "Jesus came to heal the broken hearted." Now, I
had read the passage a number of times before, but for the first time,
it applied to me. This time, it was a revelation of God to me
personally. I was the one with the broken heart and Jesus was sent to
heal my heart.
When I study, I am always raising the questions.
How? When? Where? Why? More specifically, "How could Jesus, who lived
about 2,000 years ago, bring healing to my heart today?" I got up out
of my bed and went into my home study and began to search the
Scriptures. First, I discovered that God was the healer. The Scriptures
implied that God was the healing balm. Okay, God is the healer and
furthermore, I was the one in need of healing. I saw in the Scriptures
that David in the Psalms had cried out and God brought emotional
healing to him. However, David lived nearly 3,000 years ago. I needed
healing that night. Then, I came across Isaiah chapter 53. "Who hath believed our report? and to
whom is the arm of the LORD revealed? "Who
hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?"
(Isaiah 53:1). In other words, "Who is going to believe this report?"
"Who is God going to reach out and touch?" Now this passage is a
prophetic passage about the coming of Jesus! "For
he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a
dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him,
there is no beauty that we should desire him" (Isaiah 53:2). The
"he" is Jesus! Jesus would grow up before Him as a tender plant. A
tender plant is a plant that is easily bruised. It is like the flowers
in the flowerbed, when the young grandchildren come running through
them. They are easily bent over or broken. He is also like an old ugly
root that people trip and stumble over. He is not particularly good
looking as in the movie stars in many of the movies today about Jesus.
He would have been a normal Jewish looking young man that wouldn't
necessarily stand out in a crowd. Of course, in the cross event, it
would be difficult even to look at him.
"He is despised and rejected
of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it
were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not"
(Isaiah 53:3). Jesus was despised or looked down upon. He was rejected
of men. He was a man of sorrows. The word "sorrows" here might be
better translated, "pain". It could be either physical pain or
emotional pain. The word "grief" could also be translated anxiety or
sickness. All of us have at times turned our backs on him. We have not
put him in the proper place of respect. Of course, I knew about the
cross event from a physical pain perspective. I knew that Jesus died a
cruel death on the cross for my sins. However, as a 40 year old young
minister having a degree in Bible from a Christian university and a
Master of Divinity degree from a seminary, I was never taught anything
about Jesus suffering emotional wounds. I just stopped that night to
recall what Jesus must have went through to suffer emotional wounds in
his short life.
In one sense, Jesus was actually rejected before he
was born. When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant and he knew that
he was not the father, he was going to break off their engagement until
the angel came and told him to marry Mary. Jesus was not born in a
hospital or a home, but in a manger or stable. He was born at the
time that there was the Roman domination over the Jewish people. King
Herod, executed many young baby boys when he found out from the wise
men that a king was to born. Jesus was saved by Joseph and Mary fleeing
to Egypt by instruction of angel. Jesus was probably teased by other
children about being an illegitimate child. I am sure that the word got
around that either Joseph had jumped the gun or some other man was
his real father. He was probably also teased about being a "goody,
goody" kid because he did everything right. I personally got teased
about that being a son of a pastor, but I was quite far from being all
that good.
When Jesus was twelve, he, his parents, and other
relatives traveled to Jerusalem to observe the Feast of the Passover.
Jerusalem was a small city, but it become a large city of people over
night when people come to observe that feast. They observed the feast
and Joseph and Mary left in a caravan thinking that Jesus was with some
of the other relatives in the caravan. However, when they got about one
day, Joseph and Mary discovered that their 12 year old son was missing.
They had to turn around and go back to Jerusalem to look for him. You
can imagine what Mary thought as she looked around the city full of
strangers hunting for her young son for three days. When they found him
in the temple talking to the religious doctors, Mary's response was,
"Why have you made your father and I worry about you?" She probably
added some explanation marks to her voice with her question. Of course,
Jesus said that he must be about his Father's business. Then the
Scripture says specifically that Joseph and Mary did not understand
what Jesus meant. So, Jesus suffered being a misunderstood child.
As Jesus began his ministry, the question was
raised, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Jesus could only heal
a few sick people there because of their unbelief. On one occasion, his
friends (and maybe also some of his family) said that he was beside
himself. On another occasion, the people where he was preaching became
so angry at what he was saying that they rushed at him to throw him off
a cliff. Of course the Father gave him the ability to walk through the
crowd. When his ministry was growing, the religious leaders of that day
accused him of doing the miracles by the power of Beelzebub, the god of
the flies. In other words, they accused him of being demon possessed by
the chief demon of that day. Later when he declared himself to be the
Son of God, that was more than the leaders could handle. The leaders
sought to have him killed from that day forward. Then Judas, one of his
own disciples, betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver. The Jewish leaders
couldn't legally execute under the Roman law, so they had to cook up a
scheme that he would try would cause a riot or try to overthrow the
Roman government. They brought false witnesses to lie and twist what
Jesus said. He was arrested and passed back and forth between some of
the political leaders because no one wanted to deal with him.
His disciples, except for Peter, hid in fear that
they might be next. Peter, one of his closest disciples, followed him,
but when confronted as a disciple of Jesus, cursed and said that
he didn't even know Jesus. He ended up under the puppet ruler of
Pontius Pilate. Pilate's wife warned Pilate about a dream that she had
about Jesus. However, Pilate was stuck between the accusations of the
chief priests and the Roman government. Pilate knew that Jesus was
innocent so he came up with the fact that he could release one prisoner
during the season. So he brought out the worse guy around, Barabbas. He
was a revolutionary, a murderer and a thief to set beside Jesus.
Surely, they would execute Barabbas and let Jesus go. However, the
chief priests riled up the people to have Jesus crucified.
Thus, Jesus was sentenced to be executed. Jesus was
stripped naked, scourged, and had a crown of thorns put upon his head.
The Roman shoulders mocked him by putting a robe on his back and then
led him away as a common criminal. He was nailed naked to a rugged,
cruel, Roman cross. Others also mocked him stating, "If you are the Son
of God come down from the cross." Therefore, Jesus received physical,
mental, sexual, and emotional abuse. The when our sins were laid upon
the back of Jesus, he was rejected by the Father. He cried out, "My
God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" That was a fulfillment of, "Surely he hath born our griefs, and
carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and
afflected. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised
for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and
with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:4-5).
That night as I prayed, I saw that Jesus was not
only a sin substitute for me, but he is also an emotional wound
substitute for me. He suffered all kinds of emotional wounds that I
might be healed of my emotional wounds that my boss had brought into my
life. With there truths in mind, I prayed and said to God, "I see it."
I prayed and forgave my boss for his undue criticism. I also put his
judgment into God's hands and ask you God, forgive him also for the way
he had been critical of me. Then I ask God to forgive me for any wrong
attitudes that I had had toward my boss, such as anger, disrespect, or
unforgiveness. I also asked God to cleanse me according to I John 1:9.
I realized at that point, that the enemy had taken ground in my life
through this experience; therefore, I asked God to take back the ground
that the enemy had taken. The Scripture says, "Be
ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither
give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27). Next, I took
authority in the name of Jesus or any evil spirits that may have
entered my life through this experience and commanded them to leave my
mind, my will, my emotions, my body, the room, and the area. I sensed a
freedom, but I also know that the enemy is deceptive. Therefore, I
asked the Holy Spirit, who is the spirit of Truth to validate that I
was free from the enemy and I sensed a sense of peace. Here are several
basic aspects of healing. One is submitting ourselves to the Lord.
Another one is that of getting freedom and the other one is healing
itself. By comparison, with physical wounds, there is first a need to
cleanse the wound and then to bring healing to it. Jesus said that he
had come to heal the brokenhearted and he had come to set free those
who had been bruised. I qualified on both accounts. Therefore, I asked
God to do just that and He did.
How do you explain a miracle? God just did it. I
went back to bed and went to sleep. I still had to go back to work the
next day, but I got a day of reprieve. The boss was off that day, but
the next day he was back again and I was still his target for
criticism. He struts out to where I was on the sales floor and he got
on my back again about some pricing of some shirts. My responses had
been always passive before. I didn't want to cause any problems.
However, without planning or realizing it, I became assertive."Sir, I
did what you told be to do. If you want me to change it or do
something else, I will be glad to do it, but I have done what you told
me to do." I thought, "Did that come out of my mouth?" My response
startled him. He looked at the pricing that I had done and said, "Well,
leave it as it is." Then he turned and snapped his shoes and walked
away. Wounded people often respond passively or aggressively. Normally,
I would take the passive course. However, I knew that God and healed me
concerning the criticism from my boss because I responded assertively.
As I thought about the healing experience, I came to
realize that this was not the first time that I had been emotionally
wounded. My parents were exceptionally good parents, but I was still
wounded by them. There were friends who has brought wounds into my life
and I had also been wounded by churches. Of course, I had put myself
into very hurtful situations that I should never stepped into.
Therefore, I became determined to receive as much healing as I could. I
began to daily pray a simple prayer, "God, I am asking you to show to
me all the emotional wound that I have experience and I will go through
whatever steps that I need to and receive healing." I purposed to
do this until it was a done deal. I later found David's prayer in
Scripture in Psalms 139. (Prayer
For Discovery) I began this journey which mainly lasted for about
two and one half months. God didn't bring something up
every day, but when He brought something up, I
purposed to walk through and receive healing. Some issues seemed rather
minor and others were quite traumatic. Some issues were of being teased
a child for various reasons. Other wounds were where I had done
embarrassing things and got caught. Some seemed almost funny. Others
were deep and painful.
About half of the way through this process, I
walked by a television that was on at my house. It was an add for
a program which I never watched. I think it was called "Highlander".
There were two guys in black robes who were fighting with swords. On
man got a deep wound on one side of his face. He turned his head to the
side and put his hand on the wound and turned back around and the wound
was gone. I thought he’s got it made. If he gets wounded again he just
could put his hand on the wound and it would be healed. It was then
that the Spirit spoke to me. He said, “Isn’t that the same way with
you? Jesus healed your emotional wounds and if you get wounded again,
you can turn to Jesus and he will heal your wounds.” Emotional
wounds don’t go away in time and time does not heal emotional wounds!
When my wife's grandfather was
getting up in his late eighties, his wife had died and he was living by
himself in the country at least a mile away from any other neighbors.
He was not taking good care of himself and becoming malnourished. He
had hurt himself previously by falling off his high old fashion front
porch. If happened to fall again and break a leg, he would just lay
there and die. My wife and I decided to try to help him by having him
to live with us for a while. Grandpa was a friendly guy and liked to
talk a lot like many older people do. He once told me about when he a
boy, probably about nine years old, that his father falsely accused him
of doing something wrong. His father took off his own belt him using
the buckle end to rip up a Sunday shirt that was grandpa’s back.
Grandpa said that he swore (to himself) that he would never let his
father ever do that again even if he would have to lie. That developed
into various fights where Grandpa was determined to get the first punch
in if he suspected that someone might get to him in some way. As I
said, Grandpa liked to talk, but I noticed as he talked with other
people there might be a periodic, indirect statement, that could relate
back to his major trauma experience. Once he even falsely accuse
me of misusing some of his funds. Time does not heal emotional wounds!
Usually, what occurs is that there is scar tissue that builds up as the
hardness of the heart. If I am going to the have to live with old
emotional wounds for the rest of my life, forget it. However, if I get
wounded again and turn and receive emotional healing, that gives a
different picture. It takes a lot of fear out of being wounded in the
future.
Near the end of the two and
one half months of prayer, as I looked around to see the people that I
already knew, I began to see them a wounded people. You see, my heart
had also been hardened and I didn’t even know it. When God healed my
heart, He took away a lot of the hardness and gave me at tender heart
that I might be sensitive to not only my own feeling but the feeling of
others as well. God said, "A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit
will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your
flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh" (Ezekiel
36:26). I would watch a movie and cry at the pain of others.
However, I would not do that before God worked a healing my heart.
Next, God started sending people to me that needed emotional healing
that I might share with them my healing experience and some of the
healing stories of others as I had permission to do so.
Here is a brief summary of the Big
Picture. I was working at the J C Penney men’s department and
crying out to God that I wanted to be involved in ministry. In the
sovereignty of God, He brought a man into the store, that would bring
emotional hurts into my life that I would discover that God is the
healer of emotional wounds and receive healing. One week later, God
took the department manager completely out of the store. God healed me
that I might share this emotional healing experience with many people
who God has sent through His mercy and grace. I am just an old farm boy
who God chose to use in this way. “Blessed
be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our
tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any
trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (II Corinthians 1:3-4).
See: "Jesus
=Bruised & Rejected"
A Simple Healing Outline:
1. Recognize and acknowledge
your individual Emotional Wounds to God.
2. Purpose by the Grace of God to forgive all offenders
present and past.
3. Put the judgment of any living offenders into God’s
hands
and ask God also to forgive all living offender.
4. Ask God to forgive and cleanse you of any wrong
attitudes
and actions that you have had or done toward the offenders.
5. Ask God to take back any ground that the enemy (the
Devil)
has taken in your life from the experiences.
6. As you submit yourself to God and take authority over
all
evil spirits in the Name of Jesus, bind them, and command them to leave
your mind, will, and emotions, you body, the room and the area.
7. Validate your freedom by asking the Holy Spirit (who is
witness with your spirit as a Believer) whether or not you are free.
The Holy Spirit is also the Spirit of truth. Peace is a good indication
of freedom. If there is no peace, ask the Holy Spirit what is connected
and then deal with that.
8. Once you experience peace, you will want to receive
healing. At this point claim the promise of God that Jesus came to heal
the broken hearted and set free those who are emotionally bruised. Tell
God you qualify. (emotional bruises are blows to your identity through
rejection).
9. Ask God, by the Holy Spirit based upon what Jesus
suffered, to step into your heart and take away any hardness and give
you and new tender heart and to fill you with His LOVE, PEACE, AND JOY.
10.
Finally, thank God for the freedom and healing which He is giving you.
For a more in depth study: "Total
Healing".
"Emotional
Wounds Menu"
