My Healing Experience

     My family and I had been living in Fort Worth, Texas for about ten years, when God provided a new home for my family through my parents in San Angelo, Texas. Therefore, after after much prayer, my family and I and moved to San Angelo in latter part 1979. My wife got a job as a RN working at the Shannon Hospital. I got a job working at J C Penney's at the Mall in the men's clothing department. l had learned to sell men's clothing while I had been in seminary in Ft Worth, Texas. I had also sold men's clothing at several stores since then. However, I was not interested in climbing the corporate ladder. My heart's cry to God was that I wanted to be involved in ministry. I had previously been in ministry and yearned to get back into ministry. I had tried to get back into the pastoral ministry, but the door had been shut for some time.

    While I working at Penney's, there were a number of people that came through the store in their management training program. They would work in various departments in preparation of the possibly of becoming a store manager. There was a man, somewhat younger than I, who became the department manager of the men's department where I worked. I do not know what his personal issues were, but for some reason, he chose me to be a target for his criticism. I knew the things that I was supposed to do. I knew that was to do a good job for him as though I was serving Jesus. I knew that I was to show him God's love. I also knew that I was to have a forgiving attitude toward him when he was overly critical of me. Those were not big issues for me at the time. However, getting chewed out by him, what seemed like almost every day, became a major issue. I couldn't just quit the job because we needed the money to pay our bills.

    I regularly attended a home Bible study that a friend had. The Bible study usually lasted about an hour followed by ministry and prayer. However, on this occasion, in the week before Christmas, it was different. The teacher read, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord" (Luke 4:18-19). The teacher briefly explained that was Jesus, as a rabbi who read aloud in the synagogue at Nazareth. He read a passage from what we know as the Old Testament. It was from the book of Isaiah, the prophet. After the reading, Jesus sat down and everyone looked at him waiting for him to comment on the passage. He then said, "This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears." In brief, Jesus was saying that he was the fulfillment of that prophecy. The home Bible teacher immediately lead in prayer and we were invited to participate in a Christmas party.

    Everything that night, for me, was out of kilter. I wondered why the teacher chose that passage that he chose instead of something about the birth of Christ with it being right before Christmas. I also was expecting an hour Bible study instead of the brief reading and a very brief explanation. Of course, I also was not expecting a Christmas party. I went home and my wife, who is a R.N., went off to work at the hospital. I crawled into bed and the thought hit me, "I have to go back to work tomorrow and face this critical boss." I prayerfully began this battle in my mind, "God, I don't know what to do. I can't keep going back to work and get chewed out my boss." (My chest, began to tighten and I could feel the stress around my heart.) "God, I just can't quite the job. I don't have another job to go to. I have to do my part to pay the bills. God, I have done everything that I know to do. I have tried to serve my boss as though I was serving Jesus. I have tried to have a forgiving attitude toward him and have tried to show him the love of God." I may have wrestled with this for an hour and finally, in desperation, I cried out, "God, HELP!"  Then God brought that passage that the Bible teacher read in the Bible study to my mind, "Jesus came to heal the broken hearted." Now, I had read the passage a number of times before, but for the first time, it applied to me. This time, it was a revelation of God to me personally. I was the one with the broken heart and Jesus was sent to heal my heart.

    When I study, I am always raising the questions. How? When? Where? Why? More specifically, "How could Jesus, who lived about 2,000 years ago, bring healing to my heart today?" I got up out of my bed and went into my home study and began to search the Scriptures. First, I discovered that God was the healer. The Scriptures implied that God was the healing balm. Okay, God is the healer and furthermore, I was the one in need of healing. I saw in the Scriptures that David in the Psalms had cried out and God brought emotional healing to him. However, David lived nearly 3,000 years ago. I needed healing that night. Then, I came across Isaiah chapter 53. "Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed? "Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?" (Isaiah 53:1). In other words, "Who is going to believe this report?" "Who is God going to reach out and touch?" Now this passage is a prophetic passage about the coming of Jesus! "For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him" (Isaiah 53:2). The "he" is Jesus! Jesus would grow up before him as a tender plant. A tender plant is a plant that is easily bruised. It is like the flowers in the flowerbed, when the young grandchildren come running through them. They are easily bent over or broken. He is also like an old ugly root that people trip and stumble over. He is not particularly good looking as in the movie stars in many of the movies today about Jesus. He would have been a normal Jewish looking young man that wouldn't necessarily stand out in a crowd. Of course, in the cross event, it would be difficult even to look at him.

    "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not" (Isaiah 53:3). Jesus was despised or looked down upon. He was rejected of men. He was a man of sorrows. The word "sorrows" there might be better translated, "pain". It could be either physical pain or emotional pain. The word "grief" could also be translated anxiety or sickness. All of us have at times turned our backs on him. We have not put him in the proper place of respect. Of course, I knew about the cross event from a physical pain perspective. I knew that Jesus died a cruel death on the cross for my sins. However, as a 40 year old young minister having a degree in Bible from a Christian university and a Master of Divinity degree form a seminary, I was never taught anything about Jesus suffering emotional wounds. I just stopped that night to recall what Jesus must have went through to suffer emotional wounds in his short life.

    In one sense Jesus was actually rejected before he was born. When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant and he knew that he was not the father, he was going to break off their engagement until the angel came and told him to marry Mary. Jesus was not born in a hospital or a home, but in a manger or stable. He was born at the time that there was Roman domination over the Jewish people. King Herod, executed many young baby boys when he found out from the wise men that a king was to born. Jesus was saved by Joseph and Mary fleeing to Egypt by instruction of angel. Jesus was probably teased by other children about being an illegitimate child. I am sure that the word got around that either Joseph either jumped the gun or some other man was his real father. He was probably also teased about being a "goody, goody" kid because he did everything right. I personally got teased about that being a son of a pastor, but I was quite far from being all  that good.

    When Jesus was twelve, he, his parents and other relatives traveled to Jerusalem to observe the Feast of Passover. Jerusalem was a small city, but it become a large city people over night when people come to observe the feast. They observed the feast and Joseph and Mary left in a caravan thinking that Jesus was with some of the other relatives in the caravan. However, when they get about one day down the road, they discovered that this 12 year old boy was missing. They had to turn around and go back to Jerusalem to look for him. You can imagine what Mary thought as she looked around the city full of strangers hunting for her young son for three days. When they found him in the temple talking to the religious doctors, Mary's response was, "Why have you made your father and I worry about you?" She probably added some explanation marks at the end of her question. Of course, Jesus said that he must be about his Father's business. Then the Scripture says specifically that Joseph and Mary did not understand what Jesus meant. So, Jesus suffered being a misunderstood child.

    As Jesus began his ministry, the question was raised, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Jesus could heal a few sick people there because of their unbelief. On one occasion, his friends (and maybe also some of his family) said that he was beside himself. On another occasion, the people where he was preaching became so angry at what he was saying that they rushed at him to throw him off a cliff. Of course the Father gave him the ability to walk through the crowd. When his ministry was growing, the religious leaders of the day accused him of doing the miracles by the power of Beelzebub, the god of the flies. In other words, they accused him of being demon possessed by the chief demon of that day. Later when he declared himself to be the Son of God, that was more than the leaders could handle. The leaders sought to have him killed from that day forward. Then Judas, one of his own disciples, betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver. The Jewish leaders couldn't legally execute under the Roman law, so they had to cook up a scheme that he would try would cause a riot or try to overthrow the Roman government. They brought false witnesses to lie and twist what Jesus said. He was arrested and passed back and forth between some of the leaders because no one wanted to deal with him.

    His disciples except for Peter hid in fear that they might be next. Peter, one of his closest disciples, followed him, but when confronted as a disciple of Jesus, cursed and said that he didn't even know Jesus. He ended up under the puppet ruler of Pontius Pilate. Pilate's wife warned Pilate about a dream that she had about Jesus. However, Pilate was stuck between the accusations of the chief priests and the Roman government. Pilate knew that Jesus was innocent so he came up with the fact that he could release one prisoner during the season. So he brought out the worse guy around, Barabbas. He was a revolutionary, a murderer and a thief to set beside Jesus. Surely, they would execute Barabbas and let Jesus go. However, the chief priests riled up the people to crucify Jesus.

    Thus, Jesus was sentenced to executed. The Jesus was stripped naked, scourged, and had a crown of thorns put upon his head, mocked him by putting a rob on his back, and then led was away to be crucified as a common criminal. He was nailed naked to a rugged, cruel, Roman cross and people came by to mock him sating "If you are the Son of God come down from the cross." Therefore, Jesus received physical, mental, sexual, and emotional abuse. Then when our sins were laid upon the back of Jesus, he was rejected by the Father. He cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!" "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:4-5).

    How do you explain a miracle? God just did it. I went back to bed and went to sleep. I still had to go to work the next day, but I got a day of reprieve. The boss was off that day, but the next day he was back again and I was still his target for criticism. He struts out to where I was on the sales floor and got on my back again about some pricing of some shirts. My responses had been always passive before. I didn't want to cause any problems. However, without planning or realizing it, I became assertive. “Sir, I did what you told me to do. If you want me to change it or do something else, I will be glad to do it, but I did what you told me to do.” I thought, “Did that come out of my mouth?” It startled him. He looked at the pricing that I had done and said, “Well, leave it as it is.” The he then turned and snapped his shoes and walked away. Wounded people often respond passively or aggressively. However, God had healed me concerning the criticism from the boss. 

    As I thought about the healing experience, I came to realize that this was not first time that I had been emotionally wounded. My parents were exceptionally good parents, but I still had been wounded by them. I had had friends who had brought wounds into my life and even been wounded by churches. Of course, I had put myself into very hurtful situation that I should have never stepped into. Therefore, I became determined to receive as much healing as I could. I began to regularly pray a simple prayer, “God, I am asking you to show to me all the emotional wounds that I have experience and I will go through whatever steps that I need to and receive healing.” I purposed to do this until it was a done deal. I later found David’s prayer in Scripture in Psalms 139. (Prayer For Discovery) I began this journey which mainly lasted for about two and one half months. God didn’t bring something up every day, but when He brought something up, I purposed to walk through and receive healing. Some issues seemed rather minor and others were quite traumatic. Some issues were of being teased a child for various reasons. Other wounds were where I had did embarrassing things and got caught. Some seemed almost funny. Others were deep and painful.

    About half way through this process, I walked by a television that was on at my house. It was an add for a program which I never watched. I think it was called "Highlander". There were two guys in black robes who were fighting with swords. On man got a deep wound on one side of his face. He turned his head to the side and put his hand on the wound and turned back around and the wound was gone. I thought he’s got it made. If he gets wounded again he just could put his hand on the wound and it would be healed. It was then that the Spirit spoke to me. He said, “Isn’t that the same way with you? Jesus healed your emotional wounds and if you get wounded again, you can turn to Jesus and he will heal your wounds.” Emotional wounds don’t go away in time. Time does not heal emotional wounds! 

    When my wife’s grandfather was getting up in his late eighties, his wife had died and he was living by himself in the country at least a mile away from any other neighbors. He was not taking good care of himself and becoming malnourished. He had hurt himself previously by falling off his high old fashion front porch. He if happened to fall again and break a leg, he would just lay there and die. My wife and I decided to try to help him by having him to live with us for a while. Grandpa was a friendly guy and liked to talk a lot like many older people do. He once told me about when he a boy, probably about nine years old, that his father falsely accused him of doing something wrong. His father took off his own belt him using the buckle end to rip up a Sunday shirt that was grandpa’s back. Grandpa said that he swore (to himself) that he would never let his father ever do that again even if he would have to lie. That developed into various fights where Grandpa was determined to get the first punch in if he suspected that someone might get to him in some way. As I said, Grandpa liked to talk, but I noticed as he talked with other people there might be a periodic, indirect statement, that could relate back to his major trauma experience. Once he even falsely accuse me of misusing some of his funds. Time does not heal emotional wounds! Usually, what occurs is that there is scar tissue that builds up as the hardness of the heart. If I am going to the have to live with old emotional wounds for the rest of my life, forget it. However, if I get wounded again and turn and receive emotional healing, that gives a different picture. It takes a lot of fear out of being wounded in the future.

    Near the end of the two and one half months of prayer, as I looked around to see the people that I already knew, I began to see them a wounded people. You see, my heart had also been hardened and I didn’t even know it. When God healed my heart, He took away a lot of the hardness and gave me at tender heart that I might be sensitive to not only my own feeling but the feeling of others as well. God said, "A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26).  I would watch a movie and cry at the pain of others. However, I would not do that before God worked a healing my heart. Next, God started sending people to me that needed emotional healing that I might share with them my healing experience and some of the healing stories of others as I had permission to do so.

    Here is a brief summary of the Big Picture. I was working at the J C Penney men’s department and crying out to God that I wanted to be involved in ministry. In the sovereignty of God, He brought a man into the store, that would bring emotional hurts into my life that I would discover that God is the healer of emotional wounds and receive healing. One week later, God took the department manager completely out of the store. God healed me that I might share this emotional healing experience with many people who God has sent through His mercy and grace. I am just an old farm boy who God chose to use in this way. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (II Corinthians 1:3-4).

See: "Jesus =Bruised & Rejected"

A Simple Healing Outline:

1. Recognize and acknowledge your individual Emotional Wounds to God.

2. Purpose by the Grace of God to forgive all offenders present and past.

3. Put the judgment of any living offenders into God’s hands and ask God also to forgive all living offenders.

4. Ask God to forgive and cleanse you of any wrong attitudes and actions that you have had or done toward the offenders.

5. Ask God to take back any ground that the enemy (the Devil) has taken in your life from the experiences.

6. As you submit yourself to God and take authority over all evil spirit in the Name of Jesus, bind them, and command them to leave your mind, will, and emotions, you body, the room and the area.

7. Validate your freedom by asking the Holy Spirit (who is witness with your spirit as a Believer) whether or not you are free. The Holy Spirit is also the Spirit of truth. Peace is a good indication of freedom. If there is no peace, ask the Holy Spirit what is connected and then deal with that.

8. Once you experience peace, you will want to receive healing. Here you claim the promise of God that Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and set free those who are emotionally bruised. Tell God you qualify. (emotional bruises are blows to your identity through rejection).

9. Ask God, by the Holy Spirit based upon what Jesus suffered, to step into your heart and take away any hardness and give you and new tender heart and to fill you with His LOVE, PEACE, AND JOY. 

10. Finally, thank God for the freedom and healing which He is giving you.

For a more in depth study: "Total Healing".