To Date

Not To Date

I find nothing is Scriptures about "dating" as most people understand dating. For most couples, dating is have an exciting time with someone to whom you are attracted. Often for the guy, it is to see just how far he can go with the best looking girl he can find. If they fall in love and are confident enough, they get married. However, if there is someone more exciting or attractive that comes along, they break off the relation to move in a new direction. This creates a cycle of bonding and breaking off relations.

Courtship is more of a Biblical model. Courtship has marriage as a goal. Courtship is getting acquainted with the other person. The young man's goal is to win the heart of the young lady. The young lady's goal is to learn the character of the young man.

You should know that I have three daughters, two of which are married with children, and the younger daughter has plans to marry in a few months. I am meeting weekly with my daughter's future husband to aid him in spiritual growth and help him prepare for marriage. It is good for everyone.

From a Biblical view, the young lady is under her parents' authority (especially that of her father) until her father relinquishes that authority to her husband in marriage. The father is to protect his daughter from the wrong guys where she might give in to emotions or physical attraction. It is proper that the young man seek permission from her father to court the young lady. The father should also lay out some guidelines for the courtship (what they may or may not do). The young man should also be under his parents’ authority.

Here are some general guidelines:

1. Ask God to bring the right mate into your life. (Jeremiah 33:3).
2. Only go out with a person who is a Christian (preferable a growing one). (II Corinthians 6:14).
3. Only go out with someone that you can see as a possible marriage partner.
4. The young lady should have young man to visit with her father for permission to court her. (Numbers 30:3-5 ... father's authority over the daughter). Likewise, the young man should be willing to seek permission to date the young lady.
5. Commit yourself to make the "spiritual aspect" the priority (Galatians. 5:16).
6. Commit yourself to stop the courtship if you can no longer see the person that you are courting as a possible marriage partner.
7. Understand that marriage is a merger of two families, not just two people. Each young person should have the other visit with their family and get acquainted.
8. The young lady should be careful not to defraud (Mark 10:19) the young man (by creating sexual arousal) by her clothes, physical closeness (making out), or by being away with him from other people where temptations might arise (parked in a car by a lonely lake).
9. Avoid doing things that would violate your own spiritual conscience.
10. The young man should avoid making sexual advances toward the young lady or placing her in a position of compromise.
11. Don't go out with someone who you think that you might change after marriage (things usually get worse, not better).
12. Go out with someone who accepts you as your are, respecting and loving you enough not to push you into an emotional or sexual relationship.

Some Biblical examples: Genesis 14:1-67, Ruth 1:16-4:22.