Matt's Testimony
Prayers currently for ongoing
attempted suicide on the Mackinac Bridge (the second this month! )  I
share my own personal testimony again today publicly so that it might
inspire those in despair to seek the light of “the one” who came to
heal & save the lost more than 2000 years ago. ".Experiencing God's
Grace"
There
are so many
thoughts running through my mind, so many horrible memories and yet,
I can look back and see the Lord's mercy and grace inter-wound amidst
it all. On October 29th 1995, I was diagnosed at Marquette General
Hospital with Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar disorder, is a mixed form of
severe depression, combined with self seeking highs. The symptoms
are, very low self-esteem, self hate, sloth, fear, daily suicidal
tendencies and physical pain, mixed with the drive to have more
possessions and less commitments. I was trying to do what ever it
took to somehow satisfy an un-satisfiable urge of the mind and the
flesh. (Romans 8:6) The concern of the flesh is death, but the
concern of the spirit is life and peace. I accumulated things in the
hope of some lasting satisfaction and excommunicated myself from the
people and responsibilities in my life.
It was an unbearable
time of life for my wife, children, parents, family members, friends,
employees, my business and myself. I was continually crushed as each
hospitalization, (4 total) each medication, (20 some different
medications) and each new counselor, therapist, or shrink seemed to
offer no lasting cure. I tried everything I could possibly think of
to bring peace in my life. I tried more sleep and less sleep, more
work and less work, more medication and less medication, I even went
as far as contemplating leaving every one and every thing behind, to
start a new life, in a new place, only to later realize, that I could
not run away from myself. It wasn't until I was totally at the end of
my rope, (no pun intended) that I finally realized that I couldn't
bring about, or cause my own healing. (Romans 9:16) "So it
depends not upon a person's will or effort, but upon God, who shows
mercy." The I needed to be put aside and I needed to totally
trust in the great "I AM" (John 14:6) Jesus said to him, "I
am the way and the truth and the life."
It wasn't until I
was humbled enough to surrender everything, (I Peter 5:6) "So
humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you
in due time" trusting in the Lords strength and power and not my
own vain efforts, that the 5 or more years of my bipolar rampage was
wiped away, never to return, with out any medication at all. I've
been totally and completely freed of bipolar since June 29th 1998. On
that date, I began meeting with a pastor named Basil Frasure, who
using Gods word, allowed me to see, that Christ had already won the
battle over sin and disease on a cross almost 2000 years ago. He
showed me that if I believed and trusted in God's word and
surrendered my entire self to the Lord, that the Lord could heal and
forgive my past hurts, sins, failures and take away my present pride
along with my attempt to control the future. (Matthew 6:34) "Do
not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself." It
was only at that point, which the Lord could begin his healing, which
many others and I had been praying for. (Luke 11:9) "And I tell
you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the
door will be opened to you." I realized that it was my pride
that would not allow Him complete control over my life. I believe the
Lord wanted to answer my prayer, but my own self-will stood in the
way. Basil reveled to me the spiritual principle, clearly written in
God's word, setting a foundation, which allowed the Lord to work a
miracle in my life.
Since then I have had a totally different
view of my life and God's
plan for me. I no longer need to believe God's word, because now I
know His words are true. I went from a believer to a knower and what
a difference it has been to know God is what He said He is. - All
loving, all powerful, all knowing, all merciful and all forgiving. It
was through God's mercy that I was able to received God's HEALING
GRACE. (Ephesians 2:8-9) "For by grace you have been saved by
faith, and this is not from your efforts; it is the gift of God; it
is not from works, so no one may boast." The Lord
performed
another miracle that week that we were in Texas. Holly and I
conceived a child to be born 9 months later. A beautiful daughter
appropriately named Grace.
Amazing
grace! How
sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I
once was lost, but
now am found, was blind but now I see.
'Twas
grace that
taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved;
How
precious did
that grace appear, the hour I first believed.
Through
many
dangers, toils and snares, I have already come;
'Tis
grace has
brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
The
Lord has
promised good to me, His word my hope secures;
He
will my shield
and portion be, as long as life endures.
The
Lord
performed another miracle that week that we were in Texas. Holly and I
conceived a child to be born 9 months later.
********* A beautiful
daughter
appropriately named Grace.
You may also
find this testimony on Matt Marenger's FaceBook post.
